My daughter is the one who actually gets this the best. There are many times when I find myself in a situation where the environment is an acoustical nightmare and/or the person speaking is a “soft talker” or maybe has an accent of some sort and I have no clue what he or she is saying. I might have missed altogether that this person was even speaking to me. When my daughter was younger she used to accompany me on “errand day” and she’s the one that seemed to really get my limitation the best and how to step up and ‘be my ears’ when needed. I love that I didn’t have to teach her this or explain it even; she just “got it”.

I am always willing to ask someone to repeat themselves if I missed it, someone I don’t know (like a cashier or floor sales associate at a store), I am even willing to ask a second time (which means it’s the speaker’s third repetition – yeah, I saw you wince). But after that if I still didn’t understand, I tend to turn to whoever is with me and give him or her “the look”. The look that clearly shows confusion, along with a dash of frustration and implicitly asks – “What the heck did he/she say?” As I said, my daughter had this down. She would see that look in my eyes and automatically step into her “interpreter” mode and quickly fill in the blanks for me. If I had failed to mention to the speaker that I was hearing impaired (Oops!), she would usually state that immediately, as well. This would usually smooth the ruffled feathers of the speaker.

What’s amusing to me these days, now that my daughter has moved out of the nest, is that since she was so good at it, I often make the mistake of thinking that anyone who happens to be my companion in a given situation, whether that is my husband, or my mom, perhaps a co-worker or friend, automatically understands this need and knows how to respond appropriately to “the look”. Mostly they look back at me with “What?” I recently went on a mini-vacation with my mother. I explained what I was doing when I was looking at her so expectantly. We laughed about it later when, even though I had just explained my need, that she had completely dropped the ball when we found ourselves in a situation (noisy restaurant) and I gave her “the look”. It dawned on her about thirty seconds after the server had walked away. She turned to me and said, “I blew it, didn’t I? You gave me “the look”, and I completely missed it.” I laughed and agreed that yeah, she completely missed it, but that I could do a better job of just asking for help.

Most of us hate asking for help, it’s a human condition trait, I believe. These days, I am taking the time to educate the rest of my family and friends on recognizing that I might need their help in acoustically challenging situations, and also learning to do a better of job of just speaking up to my current companion, and clearly stating that I have no idea what was said and could he (or she) fill me in so I am able to respond appropriately.

Who knows, maybe you have a hearing impaired person in your circle who gives you “the look” and you had no idea what it was about – now you know. 🙂

A lot actually, it is true that the majority of hearing loss IS age related. So yes, age can have a significant something to do with it. Sound damage is the second leading cause of hearing loss. There are a lot of twenty-somethings running around out there that have mild hearing loss and are probably unaware. Those ubiquitous ‘ear buds’… If *I* can hear what you’re listening to? You are going to be joining me in the not too distant future as “proud” hearing aid owners. Sarcasm intended.

I was 19 when first told I would “benefit” from hearing aids. Given that I was still a teenager, my response was typical… “Meh! I’m 19 not 90! No way am I wearing hearing aids. I’m not old! Benefit from? Whatever! So not happening.” Granted, at the time, my loss was pretty mild. It wasn’t really affecting much. Fast forward 15 years, and while still relatively mild, it had gotten a little worse and was definitely affecting daily life, particularly at work. You know when people taking a stroll in your neighborhood know exactly which program you are watching on TV, because they can clearly hear it – from your mailbox with your windows closed – that perhaps a change is in order. God bless my husband for putting up with that for the first 18 months or so of our marriage.

When it became obvious to me that I was missing almost half of what was said at meetings, I knew it was time to revisit the idea that I would “benefit” from hearing aids. I realized that if I wanted to keep my job, I needed to set my issue with my age aside.

I will be honest and admit that after twelve years of wearing aids, that it is still sometimes disconcerting to be the youngest one in the waiting room – by at least 15 years…. But I recognize that we’re all there for the same thing. We want to be part of our lives, not sitting on the sidelines unable to engage because we don’t know what’s being said to us and around us.

If you are a person who needs aids and maybe struggling because you are ‘young’, can I say, “Just do it. Get ‘em.” It’s SO worth it. I can remember after I had had mine for a couple of months thinking, “Man! I should have done this a year ago!” I know my husband was happy with me NOT saying, “What?” or “sorry, didn’t catch that, repeat?” so often anymore. Me too. 

A phrase made popular by a well-known cell phone service provider, and most of us likely still associate it with that guy popping up in all sorts of out of the way places… Sometimes it’s simply my hubby’s “check phrase” just after I put new batteries in my hearing aids. Up until a little over a month ago, though, it was a phrase said through clenched teeth by that now frequently frustrated husband, when he’s had to repeat himself one too many times for his tolerance level. So what happened over a month ago? I had my aids reprogrammed. And now I can safely say a happy, “Yes!” to that question, “I can hear you now”.

Let’s back up some though. For at least two years prior, our poor beleaguered marriage was suffering communication breakdown, because it seemed like, no matter what, I was just not catching what he was saying without lots of repetition; it was frustrating on both sides. There were lots of reasons I hadn’t gone in and got my hearing and my hearing aids checked out. Multiple years of various family dramas, some incurred debt from those dramas, TIME, and frankly, me not making it a priority; shame on me. It was a constant, “I’ll do it soon”. My husband had stopped talking to me as much as he used to. He just wasn’t up to the frustration a simple conversation took. Can’t say I blame him. But our marriage was suffering for this issue. At this point, I have had this set of aids, my second set, for about six years now. Given that most aids life expectancy averages three to five years, we had to wonder was it the aids?

Sharing a secret here, my “love language” is ‘words of affirmation’; which basically means words matter to me – a lot. HOW those words are delivered (choice of words as well as tone and inflection) also has impact. That being said you’ll understand why I thought what my husband said to me was the sweetest thing ever, when after reviewing our finances, he said, “Honey, I want to invest in us, in our communication. Take a look at what’s out there and let’s see about getting you some new hearing aids”. Wow! What a guy! He’s such a keeper!!

So on with my tale; with license to spend (and what gal doesn’t like that!) I went on the hunt, investigating what the offerings were like these days. In the process I had a free hearing test and did a “test drive” at my local ‘big box’ store. I requested my results so I could compare them to earlier tests. (See my “About me…” page for a look at how my hearing has changed over the last 12 years). In looking at the results, I realized there had been a significant shift in my hearing, and not on the positive side. At that point, I decided to return to my current provider to have my hearing checked again (see if it was in line with the ‘big box’ store) and also to have the aids themselves checked. Finally, if possible, get a ‘program update’ to my current set of aids.

Soooo should have done it two years ago. It had been over four years since my last hearing test. Fortunately, my provider said my aids are in great shape. Getting a reprogram on six year old aids was almost as good as getting new ones! What a difference! I really hadn’t realized how much depression and isolation I was suffering from not being able to hear. Prior to the reprogram I would say I was catching 60, maybe 70% of what was said to me or around me. Post reprogram? I am now catching 95% of what is said to or around me. Now what I miss is more in line with someone who is not impaired, and by and large because I wasn’t paying attention.

Bottom line of this post? Don’t wait if you’re “suffering”. Get your hearing tested at least once a year. (Most insurance companies will cover a yearly, routine, hearing test). Make sure your programming is current. You will not only feel better in general, but also better about yourself; and your family and friends will appreciate your investment in communicating with them.

I can’t count the number of times since I started wearing hearing aids that I have had friends, co-workers, or even casual acquaintances from my neighborhood or church who have said, “Would you please talk to my ___ (dad/mom/sister/fill in the blank…) about wearing hearing aids?” Mostly I am approached because I am relatively young to have them. I was 34 when I got my first set. And granted the larger population of the hearing impaired, are those with ‘age related’ loss; but then there are the rest of us. I happen to have a congenital defect that took its time showing up.

I remember one of my early conversations with the audiologist I worked with when getting my first set. We were discussing the different types available CIC (completely in the canal), ITC (in the canal), ITE (in the ear), or BTE (behind the ear). She said if I was concerned about people seeing the aids… I told her,” I don’t give a rat’s a** about that, I just – want – to – hear. What’s the best thing you’ve got?”

And let me be blunt with those of you out there that are that “dad/mom/sister/fill in the blank…” who are perhaps embarrassed or maybe in denial about their loss… Really? You aren’t going to do something about this? You know, hearing loss doesn’t happen in isolation. It doesn’t affect just you. It affects everyone and I do mean everyone that you interact with, too. And frankly, it’s just rude not take care of it. And truly? It’s selfish. You are basically saying, “I am more important than any of you, EVERYONE else should make the effort to accommodate me”. And that’s just sad. We owe it to the people around us to invest in our communication.

Whether you admit it or not or even realize it or not, you are, in fact, inflicting damage on your close interpersonal relationships – your spouse, your children, your best friend, your boss. By not dealing with it, you are intentionally cutting yourself off from them. Mourn your loss. That is a healthy response on the way to acceptance of your “new normal”. Not dealing with it? – so not okay.

Back to my story… I did end up going with the BTE’s – the largest, most visible type. They had the most “whistles and bells”. I did at least get dark brown ones so they would “blend” with my hair. So yeah, I’m a girl and more often than not wear my hair long so my aids would supposedly be “hidden”. But honestly, I am lazy when it comes to my hair and nine out ten days wear it up, pony tail, bun, whatever. Hearing aids fully exposed for all to see. Would you believe that unless I point it out, people just don’t notice them. I can’t tell you the number of times I would tell someone that had just been standing behind me when my hair was up, and the response was, “Really? I didn’t know you had hearing problems”. All I can think is, “What? Are you blind? The ‘giant’ aids perched on my ears didn’t clue you in? Seriously?” This scenario happens all the time, still. Even with people I work with and have known for a long time. Really folks, no reason to be self-conscious about them; people just don’t notice.

And hey, since they offer it these days, when I get my next set, I think I am going to go all out and get one of the “fashion colors” like ‘Ruby Red’ (think Dorothy’s red slippers). At this point I would rather people notice, it will help them know that I am not being rude and ignoring them; I just might not have heard them. 🙂

Most people might associate this word with things negative. But does that have to be true? Can impairment actually have a positive side?

More to come on that thought….